The sick started again last night. Cold sweats, chills, fevers, cramping, and of course all else that comes with this disease. I shouldn’t be sad, but I am. I want to think that this season has finally run its course. And then as soon as I ease into this idea, it comes back. It comes back with an agenda. And I think , “What do I do now?”
So what do I do?
What do we do?
What do we do when pain rises?
What do we do when fears resurface?
What do we do when once again, life is shaky, uncertain, doubtful of security?
We lift our eyes to the hills. Our help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.We lift our eyes to the hills.
It seems contradictory. Lifting my eyes to the hills, when I’ve let my hopes fall. I want to lift my eyes up unto the hills, where my hope comes from. I want to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life and gaze upon the beauty of the Lord.
I want to see what is beautiful. I want to look and see.
So this time, I will choose to think differently. I will choose to write differently. I will choose to see the beautiful. Because pain does not nullify beauty. Pain does not discount it. If anything pain amplifies it. And if it is true that there is a lot of pain in this world, then there must be all the more beauty. I don’t want to highlight the pain today. I dont want to think about it. I want to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life. I want to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord, and inquire in his temple. I want to gaze upon beauty…
I want to gaze on how He does not leave us alone in our weakness but gives us a helper. One who guides us into all truth. One who speaks to us, and declares the things that are to come.
I want to gaze upon the beauty of the One who is our Great High Priest. One who is able to sympathize with our weakness. One who has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. One who allows us to draw near to the Throne of Grace, so that we may receive grace and mercy in times of need.
I want to gaze upon the beauty of the One Creator God, creator of the ends of the earth. Creator of an earth in which sunrises and sunsets glory in colors not even the most creative of minds could imagine. The Lord, my Holy One, the Creator of Israel, my King.
I want to gaze upon the beauty of the One who is Most High. The Lord our God. The Lord who is One.
I want to gaze upon the beauty of the One who loves me and seeks me. The One who lets me draw near to Him and in turn draws near to me.
He is beautiful, is He not? He is beautiful. This One Most High. The One who seeks intimacy with me. With you. Father God, Jehovah Jireh, Emmanuel, God With Us. The One who does not let our pain count for nothing. For He creates us, and He creates a good work in us. And He completes it. It goes much farther than our lives will ever go, His good work. Hear O Israel, The Lord Our God, The Lord is one. Our God. The Great I AM.
Oh His beauty. May it fill my heart. My it create a longing for more. May I dwell in the house of the Lord, all the days of my life. May I gaze upon His beauty. May I long for Him. As the deer pants for the water, may my soul long for Him.
I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart
I will tell of all your wonders.
I will be glad and rejoice in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.
Psalm 9: 1-2
Psalm 121:1 | Psalm 27:4 | John 16: 7
Hebrews 4: 14-16 | Isaiah 43: 15 | Deuteronomy 6:4