I was upset. Walking into that coffee shop, looking for a moment of distraction with coffee or internet to keep me from the heart hurts that had accumulated. You know, those heart hurts that come from a life unplanned. A life that goes in the direction you don’t want to go, that you’ve never wanted to go. They were all I could see. Me, not working, unable to keep a job, unable to work. Me, not going to school, unable to do school, unable to make it to classes. Me, in a life I never planned, going places I never wanted to go. Heart hurts that come from a life unplanned.
Normally I’m a people watcher, but today, I didn’t care who I saw or who saw me. I was completely and entirely in my own world. Caught up in my own pain. I wasn’t seeing anyone. I was just getting away. Pleading with God for a new life and new situations, begging Him to make things change. I just wanted things to change. But instead of change, I settled with a cup of coffee and a couch. I don’t know why I wandered from my usual corner table. I don’t know why I meandered to the couch. It just looked comfortable. That big leather couch that would envelop just like I wanted to be enveloped. My own little leather island. So there I sat, and began booting up the computer that would engage me in my momentary distraction. Only I couldn’t even get the screen pulled up before she walked over and sat next to me.
I had no idea who she was. Her long hair was fixed haphazardly on the top of her head with a bow. Her sweet dress as bright as her smile. She wanted a friend, and despite my non friendly face, she chose me.
She caught me off guard. Walking up so quietly I didn’t hear her step, let alone the crinkle of the couch cushions as she sat down. But when I looked to my right, there she was. Sitting and smiling, as if she knew the conversation was going to be good before we even spoke. As soon as she caught my attention she jumped right in. She didn’t even give me a chance to think about not joining the conversation.
“We’re on our way to Texas. We’re moving. I don’t even remember where my old house is. Its just far away.”
I was caught up. I didn’t know this little girl, but she was adorable, and begging to be adored. How could I not answer her? And so I laid down my computer and did just that.
“You don’t even remember where your old house is?! Oh my. Well, you must be excited about Texas?”
She pulled both lips into her mouth and held them as long as she could before her smile took over. She told me about starting kindergarten and the new friends she knew she was going to have. She told me about the movies she had watched with her sister on the way. She told me about her daddy being in the Air Force and how she loved him so much and if she had to go to Texas with her daddy then she would go. She would do anything for her daddy. He was safe. He took care of all the monsters in her room and when she had nightmares he was the one who came into her room and held her. On and on she went. She told me more than I ever imagined learning about a five year old that day. And then, as quick as she started she looked up and told me it was time to go. Her mom, who had been sitting close by walked up with her dad, and as each took a hand she smiled once more.
“I liked talking to you. Thanks for being my friend.” Her words practically had a grin of their own.
“Thank you.” It was all I could say. How or what just happened I wasn’t even sure. But even after she left her words rang in my heart.
“If I have to go to Texas with my daddy, then I will go. I would do anything for daddy. He is safe. He takes care of all the monsters in my room. And when I have nightmares, he’s the one who holds me. If I have to go to Texas with my daddy… ”
I smiled. My Jesus, He had done it again. And this time with the sweetest girl I never could have imagined. I had prayed for a way out, and instead He gave me a way to stay in. With peace that passes all understanding. I’ve rolled those words over and over in my mouth, in my mind.
If I have to go to Texas with my daddy, then I will go. I would do anything for daddy. He is safe.
If I have to go to a life unplanned with my Jesus, then I will go. I would do anything for Jesus. He is safe.
Indeed, out of the mouth of babes.