But as for you, you thought evil against me; but God meant it for good, to bring to pass,
as it is this day, to save many people alive.
I have a restless heart. I have a mind full of questions and a mouth full of empty words. I have a planner full of things to do. And a body unable to do any of it.
I have a thought.
What they meant for harm, He meant for good. This verse swirls in my mind. I wake up with it. I lay down with it. I walk with it. It never leaves. What you mean for harm, He means for good. But what is good? I go back to The Book, haunted by this meaning. Haunted by this word. Seeking answers. Seeking truth. Seeking anything that is not this throbbing pain of physical hurt. Or is it emotional? It all blurs together these days.
Good is טוֹב
That is Towb. That is good. Good is good, in the widest sense. Does that mean free? Because I see free. I see a little girl running free in the widest sense. And each way she runs, it is good, and it is open, and beautiful. But it goes on, good in the widest sense. Good in the masculine. Good in the feminine. Good in the singular. Good in the plural. I wonder, are we still talking grammar? Or are we talking something more?
Good is Towb. Good is beautiful, best, better, bountiful. Good is cheerful. I am not cheerful. How can this be cheerful. There is no cheer in this pain. God meant this to be cheerful? Good is at ease. I am not at ease. This is not at ease. This is not easy. How can I be at ease. What they meant for harm He meant for ease…
Good is Towb. Good is to be in favor. I am in His favor. I am in his favor, therefore I am His favorite. You are His favorite. You are in His favor. We are in His favor. We are His favorite. Good is favor. Good is fine, glad, graciously joyful, kindly best, kindness, loving, merry, most. But this is not fine. And I am not glad, and I am not graciously joyful. I am not even ungraciously joyful. And how is this even kindly my best. And there is no kindness in me. This feels wrong. I am not merry. But this is much.
Good is Towb. Good is pleasure. Good is pleased. Good is precious, prosperity. This is precious? This pain is precious? No. But this life experience is. Even now I know that. I wish it wasn’t. But sitting in the shadows of dusk even here I see. I see a testimony that only life can purchase. And if this is precious, then can this be prosperity. Can I be experiencing prosperity through pain? It is the ultimate oxymoron. Prosperity purchased through pain? Yes. The ultimate oxymoron, yet the ultimate truth. It is the story of Golgotha. It is our gospel.
Good is Towb . Good is ready, sweet. Like summer days. And now all I see is warmth. Wrapped around and through me like hot summer sun rays. And there is that little girl again, but she is not running around. Instead with arms wrapped around herself she is soaking in the sun. She is smiling, face pointed towards to the sky. She is ready. She is sweet. And that is good. Good is wealth. Good is welfare. Good is to be well.
to be well… to be made well?
Can this be made well? Can I be made well? Can Danny Helms be made well? He said it a year ago. I say it now. This story is bigger than just you and me. Its bigger than them. Those. Those who meant harm. This story is big because it is not meant for me. Its not meant for you. It was made for Him. Him. He who meant for good. He who is good. He says nothing, and yet in His silence He says everything. They say evil to me. But He says good. He says Towb. He says good in the widest sense. He says it to the masculine, to the feminine, to the singular, to the plural. He says beautiful, better, best, bountiful. He says cheerful when He says be of good cheer. He says be at ease when He says Peace, be still. Be at ease. He says favor for we are the apple of His eye. Fine, glad, He says glad, and I am glad, For He makes me glad by His deeds. I sing for joy for what His hands have done. He says good, kindly joyful, kindness, loving. He says loving kindness. He says I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with lovingkindness. He says merry, most, pleasant, pleasure, precious. He says precious, Since you are precious in My sight, since you are honored and I love you. He loves me. He loves you. He says ready, sweet, wealth, well. He says to be well. Your faith has made you well. Or has my faith made me good? Has this pain, this pain they meant for harm, this pain He meant for good, in the widest sense, has it made me good? Has it made me well?
They say harm. But He says good. And with this good, this good that feels wrong right now, that brings pain in the evening but will bring joy in the morning. And I will wait all my days to hear it. I will wait all my life to hear Him say good over my life. They say harm. But He says good. And with this good, this good that comes in so many words, this good that seems hazy now, this good that hurts sometimes, He says all He needs to say. All He wants to say. With this good He says, “I love you.”
Towb: from Strongs Exhaustive Concordance.