A Month of Worry

Where My Soul Can Breathe

And He said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and

with all your soul and with all your mind.”

Matthew 22:37, ESV

This post should be about worry. Because I announced to you all that I would write on worry for a month, as I began the battle to fight it. I never expected, on the night I made that announcement, that I would be accosted with so much worry in the coming days. But a battle had been waged. And it has been rough. My heart is raw from all of the fighting. My spirit is tired from all the movement. I want it all to be over. I want to be months ahead, able to say that a lesson has been learned and I have moved on.

But instead, I am still battling it out. And the more I try to fight, the more aware I become with how big of a battle it is. I have seen how one tiny seed of worry can grow into a giant redwood of fear. This seed is so tiny, and it implants right where it falls, falling so softly into soil that one hardly notices it. I didn’t notice when the seed fell into my heart. I didn’t notice as it slowly began to grow roots. In fact it wasn’t until the shoots came forth, with tiny, little leaves developing, that I saw the problem I had. And by then, it wasn’t a seed, it was something bigger, planted so deep in my heart that pain was bound to follow the weeding.

And like I said in the beginning, this post should be about worry. But instead, it’s about love. My great love. Because something I have come to discover, is that as I continue to recognize my worry, and as I dissect it to see where it has come from, I am drawn closer towards the antidote. And this antidote is so much more powerful than the disease it is fighting. It is something else entirely.

I never thought the answer to fighting worry would be to love God more. But of course, that is the answer. Because worry is a means of thinning my trust in God. And the less I trust Him, the less I seek Him. And the less I seek Him, the less I want to be with Him. And the less I want to be with Him, the less I love Him. And isn’t the greatest commandment to love God with all our hearts, soul, and mind?

I have been drilling into His word, and into Him these few weeks. I have come deep into the wells of scripture, and have found myself saturated in the oils of truth that He gives freely to those who want it. And as I have done so, I have discovered a craving for Him that I never knew I wanted.

When I love Him, fears dissolve. When I love Him, whatever place I am at in life is the right place. When I love Him, no other thing matters. Because when we love Jesus, we are finally in the exact place we were created to be. And our souls can breathe deeply in confidence, because they recognize where they are. They are with their greatest love.

“The critical question for our generation—and for every generation—
is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the
friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and
all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties
you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no
human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with
heaven, if Christ were not there? ”

-John Piper, God is the Gospel: Meditations on God’s Love as the Gift of Himself

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