A Month of Worry

Ode to a Silent Night

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Hebrews 13:8

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his shoulder,
and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:6

I sit here tonight, wanting to be better than I am right now. I wish I could be a better example to those around me. I wish I could stand up and say I have no fears. That I am surrounded by peace, and that there is no reason in my mind to be anxious. There is something in Christmas that beckons for peace. Shouldn’t all be calm and mild around us, as we remember the Babe who came for us?  But the truth is that I am fighting with my heart as to what I will believe. And as I sit here, in the quiet of my living room, gazing into the glows of Christmas lights and garland my heart flutters between worry and trust. Will I believe in a God who is in control? Will I believe that every situation leading up to this moment was built upon a purpose that seeks to shape me more into the God I love. Or will I believe that my life is series of chaotic moments? That there is no heavenly peace in which to sleep, and I will continue to fight for the things I have always longed for, only to be continually disappointed by the ugliness and reality of life.

I can’t lie to you, the latter seems easier to believe. I have been sitting here writing and rewriting, hoping to receive some epiphany that would shock my heart into truth. Something that would excite and spin me around into a warrior’s stance, and get me through the coming days and weeks. I want answers. I want miracles. I want a plan that fits my plan. But tonight brings no plan, no miracle, no answer.

There is only a glow of the fireplace and a whisper. The whisper says, “Tell Me what you know.” And tonight I only have one answer.

I know this: God is not defined by my situation.

He is not who He is because of my joy or sense of wellbeing. He is not who He is because of my pain and discomfort. He is who He is because it is who He has always been. He is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. He is Jesus, the God Glory. He is Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. He is good.

And if my miracle was to come through in the morning, His goodness would not increase. And if my miracle never comes, His goodness does not decrease. He is good. He is infinitely good. Every morning, every moment, every day. And that is my miracle. My miracle is that God would wrap himself in humanity, leaving the glories of a home I cannot even begin to imagine, in order to say “I love you” to a girl like me. My miracle is that as I sit in this night, feeling the silence, there is also a definitive holiness here because He is with me.

He is good. He was good the cold night He came to be God with us. He was good that night that Golgotha tried to claim Him. He was good even during three days of sorrow, in which disciples could not see the bigger plan of a bigger God. And He is good tonight. The gospel has not changed. The Savior was here, and the Savior still is here. And He is just as good tonight as He has ever been.

He is good.

In my questions, He is good.

In my answers, He is good.

In this silent and holy night, He is good.

And with the dawn of redeeming grace, He is good.

 

 

 

 

*Silent Night lyrics by Josef Mohr.

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