A Month of Worry

As Deep Calls to Deep

I am a stranger on earth. Do not hide your commands from me.

Psalm 119: 19

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;

All your waves and breakers have swept over me.

Psalm 42: 7

I am a stranger in a foreign world. I forage through cultures I have no place being a part of. I long for security and worry I will never receive it because I have tried to adapt to processes that were never meant to be secure for me. No matter how hard I try my soul does not fit into the mold of these worldly lifestyles I insist I be pushed into. Why do I say I will let go of culture to live counter culturally and still grasp strong to worry? It is not possible. For worry is the antithesis of everything I say I long for, and promise to live my life towards.

Last night, as I lay in my bed, the Holy Spirit struck me with so many thoughts. He said to me:

A fish cannot live on land. Nor can a bird live deep below the oceans. It is not even possible for them to find appropriate adaptations. There is no other option. For the very thing they need to live cannot be found in the other’s world. Their breath is accessible only through the life source of their world. A fish cannot live on land for it lacks water. Likewise, in the ocean a bird loses its air.

And so it is for we followers of God, in this world. It is not our world and try as we might, our souls will never actually breathe in this world. We may try to keep ourselves alive through vain attempts just as one may try to sprinkle water on a dying fish. But it does not activate the lungs, it is merely a tease, and leaves the creature longing for something it feels it was indeed created for but is never able to experience so long as it stays in this pseudo world. And so we stay in this world, desperately trying to adapt, growing more and more thirsty for what we see others experiencing and wondering why it does not function with the same capacity of satisfaction for us.

We are fish watching birds breathe air and wondering why we too cannot partake of the same pleasure. And we never realize we cannot because our hearts and minds are made of different parts than the birds. We cannot function like them because we are not of them. We will never be able to fly high as they do. And we grieve and morn and worry over this as if it was a loss to us. We forget we have been called to the deep oceans. We have been called to deep waters, for deep calls unto deep. And it is a depth that no other creature can experience as we can. And while we may stare into the skies and imagine what it may be like, for skies are transparent to the naked eye, no bird can imagine what holds for us deep below. For their minds were not created to understand depth. Not like ours do. Because they are not called.

Deep calls to deep.


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